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| Пн, Мар 5, 2007 05:05pm [Аноним] - 6270 d back | ↑↓ |
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Men Are Just Happier people -
What do you expect when:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your underwear is R49.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier
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| Пн, Апр 30, 2007 12:34pm Дед Пихто - 6215 d back | ↑↓ |
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| Пн, Апр 30, 2007 03:21pm mrz - 6215 d back | ↑↓ |
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Bob's Story
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at
them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitive woman.
My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Debbie.
When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for
Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for
extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after
she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I
usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets
home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says
she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I
don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake
me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the
Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for
some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's
not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after
dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times
each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done
before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so
I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't
hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of
my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest
periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished
mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her
to fix
herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just
sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she
may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Debbie.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men
will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However,
guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of
your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing
it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help
each other.
Signed, Bob
EDITOR'S NOTE: Bob died suddenly on May 27th. The police report says
that he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver
II golf club rammed up his backside, with only 2 inches of grip
showing. His wife, Debbie, was arrested and charged with murder;
however, the all-woman jury found her Not Guilty, accepting her
defence that he accidentally sat down on it.
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be
> The MAN Of Your House."
>
> He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you
> need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
> You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
> my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
> After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the
> kind of sex that I want.
> Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
> You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you
> will massage my feet and hands.
> Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
>
> The wife replied, "The fckin' funeral director would be my first
> guess."
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