--A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" the woman says "I'll miss you."

--"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

--He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded.

--He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said, That's an idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

--He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

--Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

--One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb.

--A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh, immediately he turned ninety! Gotta love that fairy!